The Parent's Guide to Bar & Bat Mitzvah Terms: A Simple Vocabulary Explained
After photographing 166+ Bar and Bat Mitzvahs across Massachusetts, I've heard parents ask many of the same questions before the big day. Here's a simple guide to the most common words you'll hear during the ceremony and celebration.
Bar Mitzvah vs Bat Mitzvah vs B’nai Mitzvah vs B’not Mitzvah
One of the most common mistakes I see - even from event vendors - is using these terms interchangeably. They aren't the same thing.
Bar Mitzvah – a celebration for one boy.
Bat Mitzvah – a celebration for one girl.
B'nai Mitzvah – plural; traditionally refers to two or more children celebrating together (or "children of the commandments").
B'not Mitzvah – specifically refers to two or more girls.
If you're planning a celebration for one child, "B'nai Mitzvah" is usually not the correct term, even though you'll sometimes see it used incorrectly online.
Tip: When booking a photobooth vendor, double-check template spelling. Not just name and date. I’ve seen “mizva”, “mitzva”, “micvah” more than once!
Rabbi, Cantor & Tutor: Who Does What?
Rabbi
The rabbi is the spiritual leader of the congregation. During a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, the rabbi usually leads parts of the service, offers blessings, and often gives a speech.Cantor
The cantor (or hazzan) is responsible for the musical parts of the service. They often help lead prayers and may work closely with your child on chanting from the Torah or Haftarah. In some congregations, the cantor is the primary person your child studies with.Tutor
A tutor is usually hired to prepare your child for the Bar or Bat Mitzvah. They help with Hebrew reading, prayers, Torah and Haftarah portions, and speeches. Unlike the rabbi or cantor, a tutor may never appear during the actual service—they've already done their job behind the scenes.
Tip: Every temple or synagogue is different. Roles and duties can overlap. It’s very important to understand who is in charge of logistics: who will turn the lights on, who will open the ark, who will be manipulating the Torah, etc.
Synagogue, Temple, or Chabad?
If you're new to Jewish traditions, these terms can be confusing because people often use them interchangeably. They aren't exactly the same.
Synagogue is the general English term for a Jewish house of worship. Whether the congregation is Reform, Conservative, Orthodox, or another denomination, the building where services take place is a synagogue.
Temple is a word commonly used by many Reform congregations in the United States. For example, you'll often hear names like Temple Emanuel, Temple Beth Elohim, or Temple Isaiah (here you can find a full list of my b’mitzvahs with the temple’s names). In everyday conversation, many people simply say "the temple" instead of "the synagogue."
Chabad refers to a worldwide Orthodox Jewish movement rather than a type of synagogue. Many communities have a local Chabad center where services, classes, and events are held. If someone says, "The Bar Mitzvah is at Chabad," they usually mean it's taking place at their local Chabad synagogue.
Tip: I've worked in Reform temples, Conservative synagogues, Orthodox congregations, and Chabad centers. While every congregation has its own traditions and photography rules, one thing is always true: it's worth checking the synagogue's policies in advance so there are no surprises on the day of the ceremony.
Bimah
The raised platform in a synagogue where the Torah is read during the service and where the Bar or Bat Mitzvah child stands. At the end of the bimah, in the center, is an ark. The place where the temple keeps all the Torahs they have. Most of the temples have ramps for elderly or disabled service participants. But it’s always better to double-check in case you have, for instance, grandparents with limited mobility.
Tip: Architecturally, every temple is unique. Sometimes bimah is slightly elevated, sometimes it’s significantly raised. I usually check interior photos beforehand and bring a small ladder when needed to avoid “elevation surprises”.
The Torah
The central and most important religious text in Judaism, containing the first five books of the Bible. There are dozens of mesmerizing facts about the Torah, but for photography purposes, we should know some basics:
Some families opt out of pictures with the Torah. It’s completely normal.
Some temples don’t allow you to touch the Torah. Always ask the temple first. No means no, even if your photographer had a great idea, vision, or creative insight.
We don’t touch the Torah with bare hands. “We” includes the photographer.
Generally, the Torah is heavy. Plan this part accordingly, even if you have a sporty kid. Holding it and smiling for the camera is a challenge.
Tip: Silver crowns on the Torah are look good, but they add a few lb’s to the total weight. Remove it (if allowed to) and the kid will be thankful.
Kippah
A kippah (also called a yarmulke) is the small cap traditionally worn by Jewish men during religious services as a sign of respect. Depending on the congregation, women and girls may wear one as well.
For parents: Custom kippahs can be pricey. Before ordering one, check FB groups or local parents if they have something to reuse. Yes, guests take them home as a keepsake, but more often leave them on tables/chairs. Sometimes, you can order little patches with the child’s name and b’mitzvah date to cover the previous signage.
For guests: You don’t need to buy or bring your own. There will be plenty of them - either from the family or from the temple.
For photographers: Wearing the kippah “in action” can be uncomfortable and interfere with your duties. Ask the Rabbi if you are allowed to be in the sanctuary without the kippah.
Tallit
A Jewish prayer shawl worn during religious ceremonies, including the B'Mitzvah. Usually it’s on when we are inside the sanctuary, and off when we are outside. Normally, the tallit is presented by grandparents during the actual service. It’s always better to re-create that moment beforehand in a controlled environment, aka stage it during the pre-service photo part. We can also do another set of photos with parents “presenting” it.
Tip: 9 out of 10 tallits I see on the B’Mitzvah day come out of small bag and look sad. Take a few minutes the night before and steam it just a little bit.
Aliyah vs. Haftarah: What's the Difference?
These two terms are often confused, but they refer to completely different parts of the service.
Aliyah (plural: aliyot) is the honor of being called to the Torah to recite blessings before and after a portion of the Torah is read. Parents, grandparents, siblings, or other family members may be invited for an aliyah, depending on the synagogue's traditions.
Haftarah is a reading from the Books of the Prophets that follows the Torah reading. In many congregations, the Bar or Bat Mitzvah child chants the Haftarah after completing the Torah portion. Learning it is often one of the biggest parts of their preparation.
Tip: Sometimes it’s a clue to groups that we photograph during pre-service part. All variations of core family members + b’mitzvah child with relatives who will read aliyot.
D'var Torah
A D'var Torah ("word of Torah") is a short speech in which the Bar or Bat Mitzvah child shares thoughts about their Torah portion and what they learned while preparing for the ceremony. Unlike chanting Hebrew prayers, this is usually a personal reflection, making it one of the most meaningful parts of the service for family and friends.
Candle Lighting Ceremony
The Candle Lighting Ceremony usually takes place during the reception rather than at the synagogue. The Bar or Bat Mitzvah child invites family members and close friends to light candles while sharing short dedications or stories. Every family does this a little differently. Some light 13 candles, others 12 or 16, and some skip the tradition entirely. There is no single "correct" format.
A few key moments need to be taken care of:
Test it. Buy 1-2 additional candles to the amount you actually need. That way, you will have a chance to try it at home: Is it easy to light? Does it burn steadily? Does your child handle the lighter well? Is the thing that holds the candle steady?
Table height is important. Way too often, parents forget to add the height of the vase or another candleholder to the height of the table and compare it to the b’mitzvah child's height. That way, the whole composition can absolutely block the child from the photographer.
Bring a replacement lighter. Just bring it (especially if you purchased a fancy lighter somewhere online).
Actually, this one should be key moment #1 - check with the temple or your venue if you are ALLOWED to light up candles. Over 160+ mitzvahs, I’ve seen more than one cancelled candlelighting ceremony.
Tip: Often candles come straight out of packaging. They always have bent wicks. Proper planner, MC or photographer will catch this and fix, but we have too much on our plates at the moment and technically not responsible for straightening wicks.
Kiddush / Kiddush luncheon
Kiddush is a blessing recited over wine (or grape juice) to sanctify Shabbat or a Jewish holiday. At many Bar and Bat Mitzvahs, Kiddush is recited after the synagogue service before everyone gathers for refreshments or lunch.
Don't confuse Kiddush with Kiddush luncheon. When someone says, "Join us for Kiddush," they're often referring to the meal or reception that follows the service, not just the blessing itself.
Hora
The Hora is one of the most energetic and recognizable traditions at many Jewish celebrations. During the dance, family and friends form circles while the Bar or Bat Mitzvah child—and often parents, siblings, or grandparents—are lifted into the air on chairs.
The Hora is about celebrating together, not getting the dance steps perfect. BUT. If only a handful of people know what to do, it can be a major mood killer. There are two ways to make the most out of it:
Invest in an experienced MC/DJ/entertaining company. They will manage the family and the crowd in the best possible way. Also, they will be coordinating among themselves, with the venue (for the chair), with a photographer (regarding the lighting), and all this behind the stage, so you will be just enjoying the final, smooth, coordinated result.
orPrepare a note for extended family and close friends. Who will be in the central circle, who will be in the larger circle, who will do the lifting?
Mazel Tov
Mazel Tov! simply means "Congratulations!"
You'll probably hear it dozens of times throughout the day—from the rabbi, guests, relatives, and even complete strangers who learn someone is celebrating a Bar or Bat Mitzvah.
If someone tells you "Mazel Tov," the correct response is usually just "Thank you!"
Final Thoughts
Jewish traditions are rich, and every congregation has its own customs. You may come across slightly different explanations or practices depending on the synagogue, denomination, or even the rabbi and cantor leading the service. That's completely normal.
Everything on this page is based not only on research but also on my experience photographing more than 160 Bar and Bat Mitzvahs across Massachusetts and NH. These are the questions I've heard parents ask, the traditions I've watched unfold, and the little details that help families feel more prepared on such an important day.
If you notice something that could be improved, or if your congregation does things a little differently, I'd genuinely love to hear from you. You can always get in touch through my Contact page.
If this guide made you feel a little more prepared, that's exactly how I approach photography, too. My goal isn't just to deliver beautiful images - it's to help families feel comfortable, informed, and confident throughout the day.
I hope this guide answered a few of your questions. Mazel Tov, and enjoy every moment of your celebration!